What Happens When Parents Are Too Permissive

Parenting is a lifetime process and no one really knows how to do it perfectly. In most cases, parenting is being reflected on how you experienced it from your parents and whenever you find it effective, you would also do it to your kids.

Some new parents would keep themselves busy reading parenting books or perhaps watching parenting guide videos. However, parenting is subjective and parenting is unique in each individual. The parenting style of one person may not be effective to the other and entire process is fully trial and error.

There are parents who don’t want their children to be upset. As much possible, they see to it that everything that their children want would be given. This is the time wherein parents tend to become very permissive. Permissive parenting is one of those four types of parenting wherein there is little or minimal rules implemented. They don’t pressure their kids that much when it comes to curfew, things that shouldn’t be done and they will just allow them to learn their own mistakes. Somehow it builds independence but in the long run, children wouldn’t be able to learn how to organize themselves.

If children are used that their parents are permissive, they would think that anything they want to do would be okay. They would think that they can do things on their own and their parents will just be fine with it.

As time pass by, these kids can’t easily follow rules and regulations that would end up hopping from one workplace to another. Sometimes being too permissive is not good. As the saying goes, “anything too much is not okay”. Same goes with parenting, if you’re too strict, your kids would end up being scared their entire life and if you’re too lax, they would end up disorganized.

Image Credit:
David Castillo Dominici – Free Digital Photos.Net

Words Parents Should Never Say to Their Children

Kids today are smarter yet they are so stubborn. They just don’t listen and sometimes they argue with their parents. During heated arguments, parents find it hard to be objective and they utter hurtful words without even thinking about it then feel terrible afterwards. Saying something hurtful to their kids is parents’ instinctive reaction with anger and not an intention to hurt them emotionally. However, this is not how the kids see it. So what are the words parents should never say to their kids?

I wish I’d never had kids.

I hate you.

You never do anything right.

You’re such a bad child.

Why can’t you act more mature?

I’ll do it myself. You’re no good.

You’ll end up just like your worthless father.

Why can’t you be more like your brother/sister?

You’re such a disappointment.

That’s not good enough.

…and hundreds of negative and hurtful words.

Negative words can be very damaging to children. It will leave lasting and devastating effect both emotionally and psychologically. It can take away children’s precious self-esteem or worst they will become bullies and indulge in harmful activities.

It is hard to discipline and raise children. They display stubborn behaviour at some time or another. Sometimes their behaviour pushes you to the limit and once you’re mad, it is hard to think carefully about the best course of action. However, when you react out of anger, your response may be more a way of releasing your anger and utter words you can’t take back so it is important to cool down and remain calm when disciplining your children.

Negative Effects of Corporal Punishment to Children

I am a mother so I know how challenging it is to discipline a child. It is sometimes provoking and is frustrating most of the time. But is corporal punishment really necessary?

When I attended the Parenting.tv’s 2nd anniversary, one of the speakers is Ms. Vanessa Garon of Golden Values School and one of the topics she discussed is “Tough Love” which is about corporal punishment. If you think that it won’t do much harm to your kids, then you are wrong. Spanking, kicking, rap of knuckles, etc. to a child’s tender body is traumatic and detrimental that could cause long lasting effects.

(courtesy of Google Images)

Too much physical punishment especially in young children can cause extreme anger growing up. This anger is then later on expressed as either passive or active aggressive behavior that manifest either towards the one administering the punishment or towards others in the environment. Effects could be:

•Resentment of authority
•Defiance
•Rebellion
•Disconnection
•Disassociation
•Violent behavior towards family or peers
•Bullying
•Displacement to internet most especially on violent games

Sometimes you may think that spanking is effective because your children follow what you say. The real reason behind it is the fear they have for you and not the understanding of why a particular thing should not be done or why a certain behavior must be stopped. Corporal punishment is the worst and least effective way of disciplining your children so stop it before you’ll be sorry.